The Oscars

So, I will watch the Oscar ceremony as usual, and as usual, will probably be frustrated and bored with it. No matter how much they retool it, it's still presented in the same old stilted way (meet and greet of who's wearing what, song, intro, nominees, award, speech, repeat 20x, awful song and dance number, best picture, goodnight). And also as usual, it's pretty predictable: "The King's Speech" will most certainly win Best Picture and I haven't even seen it. "The Social Network" is my choice, but it probably won't win.

Of course, I could be wrong, but so what? Does it really matter what wins in ANY year!?! Something like "Hall Pass" will never be nominated or even deserve to be, but there should be like a separate Oscars for real people. I guess that's the People's Choice Awards or the Razzies, but overall there are too many awards shows anyway, so it's probably just as well.

Anyway. They try to jazz it up with different hosts each year, but I still have a fondness for the 1994 David Letterman hosting year. NOBODY, but NOBODY liked that one, and even I cringed when he did the "Uma...Oprah" joke that wasn't. BUT...you have to admit, it did take some daring and there were a few chuckles from me that year. Apparently, that was too much for the old Hollywood guard, to look like buffoons on worldwide television, so after that they used "safe" comedians like Whoopi and Billy and others.

This year it's Anne Hathaway and James Franco hosting, just to kind of "rub it in" that the Academy Awards is STILL something really important and serious, and shouldn't be tampered with, so let's have two of our finest youthful thespians to host, right? Snore.

I wish I was there when the original Oscar ceremony in 1927 which lasted about five minutes to hand out the awards. That's my kind of ceremony!

Do I like anything about the Oscars? Yes! I like the part where they pay tribute to those who died during the year. If they put that much care into the rest of the telecast as they do that part, it would be a fantastic show.

Then they make a big deal before, during and after about who wore what, and honestly most of the gowns the women wear are usually downright shitty, showing way-too-much cleavage, when you might as well just go topless. (In fact, I'd think I'd prefer that. Why tease, just show it already! Oh, you have a nipple, too? How shocking!) Elegant gowns for women seem to have gone away 50 years ago. And guys, well guys wear tuxes. The end.

I know, I know, you'll probably say, "You wouldn't be saying all this if you were up for an Academy Award!" and you know, you're right. But I'm not, so I crab. And I'll watch.